Missed
by oreoplatzchen
Summary: Something has gone awry while Bolin was at work. Jinora is crying on the floor and won't let him near her. He cannot protect her from everything.
1. Chapter 1

**For those of you that follow me this does take place in the same universe as the rest of my fics. I love each and every one of you! I would love for you all to review and send me feedback and love.**

**TRIGGER WARNING**

**Blood-Trauma-Childbirth-ish**

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"Jinora, Open the door." Bolin was on the outside of the bathroom.

He'd come home from a long day of training students at the academy, and his wife was nowhere to be found. His earthbending sight was fuzzy with the different types of earth flooring in their apartment. It took him a few minutes of calling out and searching to find Jinora in the bathroom. He knew she hadn't been feeling well. She had been battling the flu on and off for the past two months or so. They were beginning to suspect a food allergy or some other cause. Flus don't stay around this long. When he approached the bathroom door her didn't hear any retching. He heard sniffles and shaky breaths.

"Sweetie? Hun?" He went to open the door, but the knob didn't turn; the door was locked. "Jinora, Open up sweetheart." He said pleadingly. The only reply she gave was squeaky sobs. "Are you alright? Jinora, please. Let me in." He hit his head against the door frustrated at his obstinate wife. And there he had been for twenty minutes trying to get her to open the door to no avail or real response. He was desperately worried; he didn't know what could have set her off like this.

"I need you to talk to me Jinora. I feel like you're shutting me out. Please don't. You're worrying me love."

"Bo, Go Away. Please just go."

"I'll give you five minutes to tell me something or open the door before I call Korra, Ikki or your mother."

"I told you just to leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it. I can't"

"Maybe I'll just call all of them."

"Don't you dare." He could feel the malice dripping off of that threat.

"You have three minutes." He told her unaffected.

"Bo, they can't see this. They can't know…" He could hear her breakdown into a fresh round of heaving sobs.

"I love you. Just let me in."

"If you really loved me you'd go away." She screamed at him.

"You have two minutes before I break down the door." He told her firmly. It wasn't an empty threat.

"Spirits! Don't break anything! Just leave me be."

"One minute. Tell me what is happening and open the door." He couldn't take her shenanigans much longer before his temper flared.

"Fuck it." She flicked her wrist and the wooden latch over turned and the door opened. She wasn't about to have this catastrophe turn into a known family wide tragedy.

Jinora was wrapped in her bath towel, curled up in a ball on the floor. Her clothes were in a pile across from her. She was also surrounded by a pool of blood. Bolin had been right to worry but now he was entering a state of panic.

"Nora?" He questioned in a shaky voice hoping for a good explanation. Jinora looked up at him. Her face was tear stained with swollen puffy eyes and her nose was beat red. Her pallor was almost translucent, but she didn't seem injured. Bolin had no idea of what had happened to his beloved.

"It's okay Bo." Her voice was scratchy as if she hadn't used it in a long time.

"But-the-but-everywhere" She could see the panic evident in his frantic eyes and shaky voice.

"Don't look at it." She commanded in a detached tone.

He slid down against the wall to sit next to her on the floor. He put his arm around her to pull her close to him but her body tensed at his touch. "Don't touch me. I can't. I can't." She shrugged his arm off of her scooting away. She proceeded to dissolve into sobs that wracked her whole body.

"Baby, you're scaring me. What is going on? What aren't you telling me?" He implored upon her. She took a deep breath attempting to compose herself to discuss this; her determination crumbled.

"We are not talking about this. I can't, Bo."

"Jinora, there is blood covering the bathroom. You locked yourself in here for who know how long. You won't tell me what is going on and you won't let me touch you. Give me one good reason to not call Korra or the Hospital because all of the blood in here had to come from somewhere"

"Because I'm not injured."

"Fine, I'll go call Mako down from the police station because there was obviously an intruder and you kicked his ever-lovin-ass." Annoyance rang clear in his tone. He wasn't getting answers. She was dodging everything he asked.

"Stop!" He turned to look her dead in the eye. She could see the confusion and anger in his eyes, but behind that he was mostly worried. She couldn't keep this from him again. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "I had a miscarriage."

His mind went blank. He didn't know what to think. Utter confusion was plastered across his face.

"It means. . ." She started as he made no move to say anything.

"No, Nora. I know what it means." His words were sharp and harsh. "I just don't understand how."

"I am…was pregnant." She was trying to be strong in her explanation but tears were escaping her façade; this was just too taxing.

"How? When? Nora, I don't know what is happening."

"It would have been about three months now."

"Three? Honey, why didn't I know? You said you just had the flu."

"I do not want to talk about it anymore. Just leave it."

"No Jinora. I can't just leave it. This is tearing you apart. I knew this was the one thing you couldn't handle. You told me. This is entirely my fault."

"I CAN HANDLE IT BOLIN JUST FINE WITHOUT YOU. I'VE DONE IT BEFORE AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" She took a deep breath as he got up off the floor to leave her be. "And don't you dare pick up that phone and call anyone Bolin. This is MY problem. Not yours or anyone else's so let's keep it that way Earthbender!"

Bolin was used to her temper and her fits but this was a new level of angry for her. He had so many questions and worries about her right now that he couldn't even bring himself to fire his anger back at her. He could only stare in shock. Their communication had never been the best, but it was worlds better since they married. Jinora was stingy with sharing her deeper emotions but more laidback as she let him into her thoughts. He just couldn't believe she would hide this from him for three months. She had been pregnant with his child and he didn't even know.

She was glaring right back at him. She could tell his mind was reeling but she wasn't budging on her stance in the matter. Her tears had ceased; her tenacity continued to build in their mutual silence.

"We will talk about this later." Bolin commanded.

"No. We will not talk about this ever." Jinora seething replied

"We'll wait." His expression softened. "I'll make seal soup for dinner." She put her face into her knees as she sniffled. She relaxed knowing the battle was over for the moment. "Let's get you a shower and into bed? I'll bring you dinner and I'll read you the letters we got today from everyone, there's even one from Gran-Gran." He hoped the letter from Katara would help lift her spirits.

"Shower sounds nice." She mumbled. He helped her off of the floor. Sheading her towel, she lethargically climbed in the shower and let the hot water run, filling the bathroom with steam. Bolin covered their bathroom floor in towels concealing and absorbing the congealing blood loss. He laid out a pair of Jinora's pajamas on the sink along with a clean towel for her.

He was grateful his wife took long showers, for while he started supper and called Korra. He knew she had specifically told him not to but he didn't know what to do.

"Hello?"

"Mako, give the phone to Kor. I need her opinion now."

"Hold on she's in with Mazi. What's the emergency anyway?"

"Jinora. I'll let Korra fill you in later. Just get her please."

"Kor, Bo needs to talk to you. Here give me Mazi."

"Yeah Bo?"

"Jinora had an accident of sorts and I need your advice."

"I'll be right over." Korra had assumed her sister-in-law needed healing.

"No! She told me not to call. She's in the shower right now. I need to know what to do. Jin, well she. . .she had a miscarriage. There's blood and goo everywhere and I'm at a loss. She won't talk about it or anything."

"She was pregnant? I can't believe this happened again."

"Again! What? I didn't even know about this until now. What do you know that I don't?

"It's not the time for this. She's going to be out of the shower soon and you need to get the goo. You'll need to keep it. She might want it. Just do it. It sounds weird but she'll need closure. Get her to see a healer and soon. If you need it to be me just call. She'll keep bleeding for a while too. It's nothing to worry about." Mazi wailed and the phone got handed back to Mako. Apparently he had been listening in.

"Hey Bo? Make sure to love her. Let her know that you love her. Assure her that this isn't her fault. She'll need you even if she pushes you away. That was the hardest part on Korra. She thought it was all her fault and that I blamed her for the loss. The South Pole was a rough time. Remember to watch your mouth too. Don't say anything stupid to dig yourself into a deep hole." Bolin heard the water shut off.

"I have to go Mako. I'll call later. Thanks!"

The soup was almost done and it just needed to simmer for a few minutes.

"Nora, sweetie?" She looked a sight better now that she was clean. Hair wet and down, her eyes droopy but noticeably less red and puffy, she sniffled and looked drained. "Hey, babe, come here." He said with his arms open to her. She shuffled to him as he enveloped her in his arms. She didn't move her arms to hug him back. He knew her heart would be hard for a while. "Want me to help you into bed and I'll bring you some soup?" Her response was an ambiguous shrug nod combination that he took for a yes. He picked her up and slid her in between the sheets; her head propped up by several pillows. He brought them both out mugs of warm soup along with the letters from their friends and family.

He read to her about Asami and Iroh, who had gone to the Fire Nation for royal duties. He animatedly detailed the antics that the couple had gotten into with Iroh's younger sister that involved the Fire Lady's throwing knives and some local politicians at an official gala. Bolin decided it would be for the best if he omitted the bits about their lovely new baby girl.

Bumi and Lin wrote from a village in the western Earth Kingdom where they were vacationing. The pair was camping escaping the technology and filth of the city. Bumi was determined to keep Lin away from the city for as long as possible to let her relax. They were heading to some hot springs the next week and promised to write soon.

Gran-Gran Katara had just graduated a new group of master waterbenders from healer training. The new graduates were to venture out to the far out villages to help create more growth and unity between the tribal sects. She was confident in her new recruits as well and their future endeavors.

Everyone sent their love and well wishes for the couple. They were universally missed and everyone looked forward to seeing them again soon.

"Tell me about your day." She said this offhandedly as she stared off in another direction.

He told her all about how his class today was on defense bending. It had been a successful class. One almost injury, where one girl almost got split in half by her own shield, but everyone escaped unscathed. Somewhere amidst his rambles about his Academy classes Jinora had fallen asleep. Bolin gentle slid out of their bed to leave her in peace as he began to clean and dwell on the events of this evening.

With all of the burns, bruises, broken limbs and other various injuries Bolin had seen at the arena he wasn't the squeamish type. He had even seen Korra give birth to her first child and nothing topped that. But cleaning blood, clots and tissue off his bathroom floor and pushing it into a bucket was horrifying to him. The only way he continued to make it through the ordeal of scooping up tissue that may have become his child was the knowledge that Jinora wouldn't have to deal with this. He wasn't attached to the idea of their child. The embryo had been inside her for three months and she had lost it and he could only imagine how picking up the pieces would affect his beloved.

He threw all of the soiled towels and rugs into a laundry basket and put the box with the goo in their cloak room. As he began to mop the floor of the bathroom and eventually the whole apartment while he was at it he was trying to piece together the conversations he had today. Korra had said again. Surely if this had happened before she would have told him. But Jinora didn't even tell him she wasn't pregnant either time if there had been another time. Three whole months she didn't even mention it. She lied to him; told him it was the flu. They hadn't been trying to have a baby, but they weren't not trying either, except the past few months when she had been ill…He had moved on to soaking, scrubbing and hanging out the laundry. Had she been trying to get pregnant? Did she want to surprise him? Had he put pressure on her? They both wanted kids. They had chosen that path before he had even proposed to her. He couldn't help but think that this was his fault in some way. Why wouldn't she tell him? He thought she was getting better at sharing her feelings. Now the kitchen needed tending to a bit of sprucing up. She wouldn't even discuss what had transpired while he was at work. She should have called him home. He could have had someone take over his class, which reminded him. He called up Skoochy.

"Hello?"

"Hey Skooch, it's Bolin. I need to ask you a favor."

"Go for it bro."

"Can you cover my classes tomorrow? I need to stay home."

"Yeah, it's not a problem. You sick?"

"I'm fine. I just have some personal things to take care of."

"Alright. I expect a better explanation later, but I'll teach for you tomorrow."

"Thanks, I owe you one."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll see ya later."

He was forever thankful that his now brother-in-law was covering for him. Bolin couldn't leave Jinora by herself tomorrow. They needed to work through this together. Bolin was officially out of things to clean other than himself. He took a quick shower before crawling into bed next to his bedraggled wife. He loved her so much. He gently kissed her forehead and stroked her cheek before lying down. As he curled up her hand sleepily found his and their fingers interlaced as Bolin fell asleep knowing everything would turn out alright eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

Jinora sleepily rolled over and didn't find an impediment where she should have found her husband. She sat up slightly to see that she had the bed all to herself. As she laid back down to hunker down for more sleep, her hands went straight to her stomach, flat. Her mind ran wild, reliving the events of yesterday.

She had felt the pain deep in her muscles all morning the day before. She had hoped it was just from her rigorous training routine that she would be stopping soon. It was what the doctor had cleared her for during pregnancy. Still, she thought that the feeling within her was not the familiar muscle ache, but another feel that was becoming all too familiar. She had brushed aside her worries and stress, beginning to work on her novel for her day's work. However, shortly after she broke for lunch, it became inevitable. The pain caused her to double over at her desk, and she knew the bleeding would soon be on its way. The excruciating pain would ebb and flow and that allowed her to get herself to the bathroom before the bleeding began and the pain consumed her. The blood was already coming fast. Her disparaging sobs were soon to follow. She couldn't believe this was happening again. And Bo had found her…

Where was he, anyway? Jinora did not want to talk to him right now, or ever. He hadn't known about the others; her problems could have just stayed a secret if he hadn't found her. Facing him about this would just be too shameful. He wouldn't blame her for a second. He just wouldn't understand why this wasn't his problem, why this was all her fault and why she blamed herself. He was too good to her. She didn't deserve it. She had been lying, hiding his children from him. She couldn't even keep one. He wants nothing more than for a family, and she couldn't even give him that. . .

Jinora got out of bed and went to change out of her clothes that in the night got covered in blood. She knew the routine. Spirits, she shouldn't even have a routine with this. At least the charade was over; she didn't have to pretend that she forgot about her period again.

Bolin heard footsteps and rustling in the bedroom. He waited until he heard her crawl back into bed before he brought in her tray of breakfast. She owed him an explanation, a very long, detailed explanation. Still, he knew after her display of raw emotion yesterday, today wasn't going to be easy on her. She would be trying to heal herself again, hardening herself against any of his inquiries and the rest of the world. It's not that she wanted to shut him out, it just hurt too much.

"Hey, baby." Bolin greeted her as he brought her breakfast in bed. She smiled at him and rolled her head over.

"G'morning" She mumbled. "What time is it?" She asked in the middle of a yawn.

"Just after noon." He told her offhand as he crawled into bed with her, eating his bacon of the side of the tray. He looked up at her face with concern as Jinora began to choke on her lychee juice. After a few coughs and sputters she asked him, "Don't you have class today?"

"I got Skoochy to cover for me."

"You didn't." Her voice whined, her eyes begging him not to go here.

"We have to talk about this. I am here to take care of you. And I will take off as many days of work as it takes before we get better. If you don't want to talk about it right now, that's fine, but we will be talking about this."

"Ugh. Just leave me alone. It's always worked before." She mumbled the end of her sentence into her pillow as she rolled over. He caressed the back of her head, brushing through her hair with his fingers.

"I don't want to get mad at you. I don't want us to fight; we don't need to fight before we can talk out our feelings. If you want, I'll get all my feelings our first."

"I just want to work on my book!"

"It's going to be a pretty boring few days for you, then. You aren't allowed to leave the bed, unless it's to see a healer or a doctor. I'll earthbend you flat if necessary. You need to heal. And until we talk, I'm not bringing you any form of entertainment, because clearly you need the time to mull over your thoughts."

"That just drips of vile bitterness."

"Sucks to suck, sweetie," he told her as he planted a kiss to her forehead and took the empty breakfast tray away from his wife and into the kitchen.

She didn't know what she was going to do.

He didn't know what he was going to do with her.

It had been a long day. Usually if both of them had the day off, it was spent in bed or the couch or the shower all day. It was never spent in silence, but the tension was thick today. He wanted her to give in for once and not to have to coax it out of her. She just kept hoping it would all go away, as she had since the first miscarriage, but she was starting to cave. He was just being too sweet; he should be so angry that his bending shouldn't even be under control.

"Bo."

"Yeah, Nora? You need something? Coffee? Fireflakes?"

"Tea?" She asked in a demure voice.

"Sure. I'll go put a pot on."

He brought it in and poured her cup first and then his. She sat up in bed; him eyeing her closely to make sure she wasn't in pain.

She took a long drag from her tea cup in a satisfying manner. She let out a deep sigh. He looked at her, asking with his eyes what had caused the sigh when she began to talk.

"This wasn't the first. This is old hat to me now. This is the fourth. I haven't seen a healer other than Korra. I'm supposed carry on airbenders; I couldn't go to or trust anyone else…She always helped and tried to get me to go to a doctor anyway. She didn't know what was wrong; she wanted me to get tested. The first time, you were gone. I was staying over at Korra's while you and Mako were with Iroh in the Fire Nation. We had hardly been married half a year. I didn't even find out I was pregnant until after you left, so I waited to tell you." She turned her body further from him, ashamed at her deception. "I started bleeding, and then it was everywhere. . .I panicked." Her eyes had glazed over in tears, and she let them fall as they may, lost in the caustic memory. "Korra walked me through everything; she told me what was happening, that it wasn't my fault, how to care for myself, and what to do now. When you came home a month later, I was over it for the most part. It could happen to anyone. It was deceitful, but I saw no reason to relive it and cause you the same pain." She deeply sighed, as if expelling the memory and inhaling the conviction to complete her monologue. "Then the second time came. I was pregnant and over enthused, not even hindered by the outcome of the first. But you and the guys were training all-day, every day, before Probending started, and it was hard to tell you just right, with the lack of alone time. . .By the time I was ready to share that with you, I lost the baby. I knew it was going to happen too; it felt the same. I stopped feeling pregnant altogether, and I thought I was just having mood swings because you were never home… and I just felt so ashamed. I hadn't told you about the first one, and you didn't even know I was pregnant. It was easy to hide. You weren't home. The third time was the worst. I made it to four months. I was careful about everything. I only did the approved training by my doctor. I ate all of the right foods, and I was certain that in five months we'd have a baby. All was to be right until I miscarried at my parents'. It was family dinner night, of all nights. The signs weren't there. I thought it was just some indigestion, not labor pains. I had to lie to my mother and sister and Asami about everything, only telling Korra, I could trust no one else at this point. Then Ikki announced she was pregnant that night. I had just pulled myself together about losing my third child, and my own sister married only a few months just up and gets pregnant-with twins no less-before I've ever had one kid. I was so happy for her, but so bitter that the tears just mixed together. I had lost three kids, and then the spirits bless her with two. I don't know how I didn't just fall apart." Jinora was burying her face into her hands. Bolin was trying to hold it together for her, only letting a few errant tears escape, waiting for her to continue. "Then yesterday, I just couldn't deal with it all anymore. I'm so done, having feelings and caring and loving these children that aren't even mine to keep. I just couldn't get myself up out of the bathroom floor. It was where I belonged . . .I've buried them all deep in the backyard under our moonpeach tree. I couldn't leave them and let them go." She broke down into sobs that wracked her entire being as her lamentation set in. Bolin hesitatingly pulled her close to his chest. Once she didn't flinch or resist his touch, he held her tightly as if he could protect her from this anguish, suffocating the agony in her soul, crushing the guilt and burden that afflicted her. He stroked her hair, brushing off her lies and facades. He kissed her forehead, eradicating all thoughts of tormenting grief. He had many things to say and ask her, but right now he bit his tongue. He just kept holding and caressing her, humming an old lullaby that Mako would sing for him when things were bad back in the days on the street, hoping it would alleviate some fragment of her distress. After exhausting her body of its tears, she pulled away from her husband and looked him in his brilliant but sunken jade eyes.

"I'm sorry." She declared without trepidation as a confession of fault, guilt, culpability, and weakness.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." The firm finality in his tone was not to be trifled with. "You lied to me and you are completely forgiven. You know I couldn't do anything, but I cannot say that this doesn't hurt me, the loss and deception, profoundly, but I imagine it's nothing in comparison to the scars you have and the burdens that you bore alone."

"I know, but-"

"No, Nora. I love you. I married you, and that triumphs over all." She began to sob again, unknowing of what she did to deserve this wondrous man in her life. He kissed her forehead and lifted a finger to her chin to look her up to him. He kissed her nose, earning a small smirk. "I have two questions." She nodded her head sedately in response. "Will you go to the doctor for me?" She answered with a roll of her eyes and another head nod. "Good. And were you trying to get pregnant?"

"No-yes-not at first-not at the end either. The first two were surprises, come-what-may pregnancies. After those two, I wanted it bad. I was always checking. Ecstatic about my period being even just a day late. This last one just happened. I just couldn't bring myself to care after losing the third baby. I thought pretending like nothing I did would change a thing. I thought about trying to use preventative teas or even the new medicines, but then here we were again, barefoot and pregnant. I want a baby. I need my baby. I just don't know how to do this again."

"I'm not saying we don't try, but we need to see the doctor about all of this. Maybe we keep trying, maybe we consider adopting some kids. We can do both or neither. But I know how important a family is to you and I'll do anything to make that happen." She just nodded, another lump forming in her throat. She laid herself back down into bed. "Hey, hey. Shhh shhh. It's alright, babe. We'll go to the doctor tomorrow, alright? Today we'll just rest." She nodded her head concisely. Bolin laid himself behind her, comforting her with long, soft strokes through her hair and down her side. Humming the song again, Jinora's eyelids began to close over her sweet eyes. Bolin knew he'd have to skip practice tomorrow, shrug off his class to his brother-in-law again and keep comforting his love for a long time to come, but sleep held relief for both Jinora and Bolin.

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**Hey guys let me know if you want more or for me to shut up. I need feedback! Lots! Love you all!**


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